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Oh my frigging gosh, you’d never guess what?

I’m a millionaire. Well no actually. I think the correct term is billionaire. I’m so excited I could keel over now in utter shock and happiness. Turns out right, that I’m the long lost daughter of a miss Anita Mabu and her husband (who is presumably my dad) has just died, leaving her a widow, and she hasn’t got a bank account in Nigeria, so she’s leaving me all of his money. All I’ve got to do is send her my bank details and I’m quids in.

I can’t breath, I’m soooo excited. I’m going to take all of my friends shopping in LA, buy a massive car (a pink one with Betty Boop designed seats and baby blue dice), then I’m going to go to the Bahama’s on holiday with my boyfriend (okay I don’t have one YET, but I’m sure the offers will start rolling in once everyone realises I’m like dirty stinking rich), then I’m going to give the woman who I thought was my mum (i.e the woman who’s an older looking version of me who’s brought me up my whole life), give her like a million pounds so she can do whatever, I’ll explain that I’ve found my new mum now and so therefore she’s no longer needed (and all that jazz). In the midst of that I’m going to quit all of my jobs and completely be rude to every single member of staff I’ve never liked and ruin any relationship in the ‘working world’ that I have. But who cares? I’m a millionaire. Right?

- Yeah. Pull the other one.

In all honesty its quite hilarious. The grammar they use, the way they try and sell their story and make you feel sorry for them whilst trying to make you believe you’re a special person and you’re going to become dirt stinking rich, the way they’ve composed their story… It’s all a bit LOL.

What isn’t LOL though, is the majority of people who actually fall for it. Let me tell you from now, you are not… I repeat NOT going to become a millionaire. Some rich widow from Nigeria does not think you are her long-lost-African-daughter, this is NOT a family reunion, she is NOT going to give you a millions pounds when you give her your email address, what she is going to do though, is scam the shit out of you, ruin your financial situation, steal all of your money, transfer large sums of other money into your account and then wipe all of the evidence so there’s nothing in the world of worlds you can do about it and so you’re left with a big fat dirty debt.

Anyway, I’ve replied to some of these messages to see what happens. A good journalist always chases her story. (think journalist Kate Spicer loosing over a stone in 6 weeks and becoming ridiculously thin all in aid of a good story).

I’ll let you know how it goes. But for now I’m off to spend my fortune…

Toodles.

P.s (boyfriends apply within – CV’s to be sent to iwannabesiansboyfriend@mistajam.com with a paragraph on how amazing I am and how you’re going to help me spend my fortune).

Luvage

Sian x

Posted by Sian at 11:45 am on January 29th, 2010

Categories: Debate.
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